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Do all foster children have issues? - I have to say yes. They were not placed by responsible, loving parents. They are in foster care due to some level of disfunction. While this a continuum and some children have greater issues than others, they all have issues nonetheless.
You will definitely see trust issues in all foster children. Thats what you are seeing in these children right now. They will test you to see if you are strong enough to take care of them (and their testing is relentless). They will push you away to make sure you really are going to stay. You have to prove again and again and again that you are a stable person in their lives, and even then they won't really believe it.
The children you are caring for are frightened. I know I would be afraid in their shoes. And they take their emotions out on one-another and you. They need reassurance that you provide structure and safety.
When a caseworker says that a child has few issues, realize that what is few to them may be many to us. And realize that on occassion caseworkers do lie. We were told that my daughter had a diagnosis of RAD, but they were going to remove that diagnosis because she was attaching to her foster mother. That was a total lie. She has RAD RAD RAD. She isn't and wasn't attached to anyone.
Don't take it personally. Your daughter is snotty because she is scared and trying to push you away. She knows in her mind that you are going to hurt her. If she is mean to you and doesn't care for you, then it won't hurt so much when you do hurt her. These kids have such twisted logic.
Parenting damaged children is hard work. The hardest thing I have ever done. We didn't cause the damage, but we get to pick up the pieces. We also get to see the rewards of helping them heal.
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