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The behavior you describe is typical of my children, a sibling group of 3, ages 6, 7, and 9. They've been with us for 4 months. The hyper, out of control behavior is pretty well under control. And they have learned that rampant pouting gets consequences.
BUT there is a lot to deal with--my oldest daughter has disturbing and sometimes maddening meltdowns. My youngest daughter has suddenly taken up saying devastatingly mean things, mostly to me, but also to her brother and sister. My son will most likely have to repeat 2nd grade.
It is a very difficult undertaking, particularly for the mother. I think it was wise of you to do some respite care to get a good sense of the behaviors to expect. If you fall in love with the kids, as my DH and I did, it makes it easier, but they can still really drive you up a wall. And it is a definite challenge assessing the children's real needs. I don't think most social workers willfully conceal or mislead people, although some do. Mostly, these children are not given adequate mental health assessments and are seen by inexperienced and ill-trained clinicians.
Adopting older children is definitely not for everyone, and if it's not for you, that's perfectly understandable and okay. Good luck making your decision.
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