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Do you have anything in contact with the b-mom besides the child? Sometimes, I would put off writing or not write at all to J's mom because I didn't feel I had anything to tell her. Thigns were going as usual for me and I doubted she's be interested in what book I was reading or how I was dogin in classes. Why would she care about those things? I asked myself.
With M's mom, we exchange emails often. Sometimes, we don't even mention the kids. It's like talking to a friend. and even though that adoption is newer and that pain still fresh, I find it much easier to maintain consistant contact.
I'm not saying the distance is right but it's a self-defense. Think about it this way, right now, even J doesn't understand who I am. That's fine and to be expected. But, as long as her mother adn I keep the lines of communication open, even if my responses to her are sporadic, when she's old enough to wonder, I'll be available. If you give up trying, then, maybe when your child has questions, she will still be too hurt to answer.
It is your choice of course but think about the other end. I used to agonize because I had nothing new to tell them and nothign to talk about that I thought they'd be interested in hearing. I always wanted to hear about the baby but what owuld I tell them in return? Guess what, I got a new bunny? Why would they care about my adorable new addition? They had a new baby. I would wad up many pieces of paper and delete many word documents. In the end, I still often don't send much of anything.
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