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I wrote this to you in a PM, but I am copying it publicly in case others in your situation come across this thread.
You do not, NOT, need your wife to want to save the marriage. You need to start implementing the ideas yourself, immediately. Buy the book today. Scour out every bookstore looking for it. She does not need to do a thing. You do. It doesn't matter who is to blame. If you want to stand up and say you want things to change, you start doing it. You don't tell her you are doing it. Not a PEEP out of you. You don't let her see you reading the book. You don't bring up the website again. Your actions show her.
If her eyes are still there to be looking into, you had better start acting before they are gone. She probably is looking into yours and seeing all sorts of stuff too. She has to start seeing love in them. After a long time, she'll start wondering what you are up to. She might test you to see if you are serious. You have to stick it out. You cannot allow her to see you thinking it is over. Or that you intend to change her and the relationship. That won't work either. You have to remind her of who she fell in love with.
Have you read his point system? The love bank? You REALLY need to read the book!! You have to start gaining back those love points. Consistently. You don't plan a romantic dinner for two where she will stare at you with cold eyes. You do the little things to show that you are commited to your children and to her. The things SHE needs. If she doesn't like flowers, what is the point of bringing them home? The same with every other aspect. Does she complain about you not doing housework? Then wash, dry, and put up some laundry. Complain about your work hours? Cut them back. TODAY. Complain about your relationship with your mother, or best friend, or dog? They are out of your life until you and your wife can decide on something together concerning them. They are NOT as important as your marriage. You might be more inclined to think so now that a divorce is impending. But that will only tighten the screws. Explain to best friend that you care about him, but that your marriage has to come first. If he doesn't understand, you have other problems to work on. And they are backseat to your wife. Complain about your spending? Stop spending. Even if there isn't anything wrong with what you are doing, it isn't right FOR HER.
If it comes down to the worst (which it hasn't yet) then she leaves you with the picture in her head of you being a loving, caring guy. Much better than a crazy loon, or uncaring nobody.
Don't talk to her about saving the marriage. Go buy the book. But don't leave her at home with two screaming kiddos by herself to get it if that is a problem. But read it. And do it. And then you'll know you've done absolutely everything you can to bring that spark back to your wife's eyes. It will take a LONG time to build up your love bank account in her heart again, so you had better start today!!
Remember, there is a forum on his site too.
And, if you haven't already, I wouldn't tell the birthmoms until things were set in stone. For that matter, nor *your* moms. Or neighborhood moms. Your entire goal right now is being the man your wife wants you to be. (Afterall, you were at one point in time.)
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