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I think it is wonderful how you are open to attending the classes, that you did the research to find this site, that you are honest about your feelings, that you are trying to realistically assess what this means in terms of your lifestyle and plans.
Adopting older children is very challenging, as a review of the postings on these forums demonstrates very clearly. Most people I know who did this did so in response to feeling called by God to do so. Which is good, because it is a totally life-altering decision. You need that level of commitment, because the kids will test you and test you and test you. You will learn things about yourself you never dreamed of, including your capacity for rage and frustration. That is a very real part of this experience. But, you have a lot of incredible experiences and have the opportunity to enrich a child's life in ways that would be impossible without a committed parent.
My children, ages 6, 7, and 9, had never been tucked in, had never been read to, had never been to a library, had never been to a museum, had never been to Lake Michigan (we live in Chicago), had never been on an Easter Egg hunt, had never been baptized, had never had a pet, had never played sports, had never eaten a raw tomato, or celery, or asparagus, or peas, etc., etc., etc. My children tell me I'm the best mom they ever had (a sad commentary on all the changes in placement they've experienced), make me Valentine's, give me hugs and kisses, pat my arms, make up little songs about our family.
When it's good, it's more than you can imagine--I had the best Valentine's Day of my life, for example, reading the sweet Valentines they poured their little hearts into. When it's bad, it's also more than you can imagine--my oldest daughter broke my nose in a screaming tantrum, for example. You are very, very wise to ask yourself if are you up for this.
My DH was in your position, by the way. I was the one who first embraced the idea, and it took him a while to want to do it, too. Well, he did, and he is the most wonderful, loving father.
Feel free to get information and support here.
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