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Originally Posted By NicksterMommy

I would guess the short answer is that a majority of those seeking to adopt in the U.S. are Caucasian, and it is only natural to desire a child that looks like you. Most new parents spend the first days or weeks with their newborn identifying whose eyes or nose he/she has.

That being said, your question really has two parts: Why white? and Why infant? Here are some of the reasons I have heard for both . . .

WHY WHITE
If you are Caucasian and adopt a Caucasian child, you "blend in" as a family wherever you go. This isn't true if you adopt a child of another race/nationality. It is obvious that this is a family created through adoption, and some strangers treat you differently because of this. I have seen a family (Caucasian parents/child from China) have to endure a dinner w/a Chinese waitress staring at them the ENTIRE MEAL!! It was kind of creepy. I am sure that this family is THRILLED to be this little girl's mother -- this is just an issue that they must deal w/as a family.

Next, as much as we are trying to change society, there are prejudices in this world. Even if both adoptive parents truly love their child from another race/nationality, they are going to encounter people who have strong, negative opinions about, for example, a Caucasian couple parenting an African-American child. Unfortunately, these prejudices can come from grandma, auntie, or whoever. Those are additional issues that the adoptive parents need to work through. Thank goodness, there ARE adoptive parents out there who will adopt these children and teach them how to deal w/the negativity. Not every adoptive parent feels equipped to handle this kind of prejudice.

And, finally, you have to remember that adoption is a team thing -- not just the adoptive mother's choice. Perhaps the adoptive mother desperately wants to adopt, for example, a biracial baby, but the adoptive father isn't sure that he could truly love that baby as a father should. Every child DESERVES to be ADORED by BOTH parents. In a perfect world, race/nationality wouldn't play any role at all, and it really stinks that it does. Unfortunately, that is just reality. I hope that, in the future, things will change.

WHY INFANT?
If you adopt an infant, you are in the same "boat" as any other new parent -- none of them know what they are doing until you bring that baby home and dive in. Since that is true for all new parents of newborns, there are numerous parenting books and classes available. There aren't many books/classes available for somebody who never parented and then has a 10-year-old. Many adoptive parents feel like they would be getting in over their heads. An infant has basic needs -- feed him/change his diaper -- while an older child's needs are much more complex. Going from no parenting at all to parenting an older child can be daunting.

Another issue is attachment and prior abuse. If you adopt a baby straight from the hospital, you know that he/she hasn't suffered abuse. Most older children avaiable for adoption have suffered some sort of physical or mental abuse, or at the very least had some awful stuff happen to be available for adoption. Again, many adoptive parents feel unable to meet those complex needs. Thank God there are those adoptive parents out there who do rise to the challenge so these kids can have homes.

The attachment thing is also a very real concern. If you adopt a child out of an orphanage, he may never have "attached" to anyone. That brings it's own set of challanges. Many adoptive parents don't know how to deal w/these challenges, either.

I hope I have shed a little light here. Just because a couple is unable to conceive doesn't mean that they have all of the answers for the myriad of issues that can arise in the above situations. I have a deep respect for those adoptive parents who rise to meet these challenges, and I hope more will follow suit in the future.