I know that I am not unique to the feeling of frustration in this search. It helps to hear from the prospective of others who are going through this same process. I am turning 30 this year and I have been searching for 8 years. I do know so much more than I did when I first started. My core frustration is in the fact that if she wanted to find me she could. I have made myself so reachable by placing my information on every registry possible. For pitys sake she was there at the birth, she has more info to type in than I do. What if I do all these years of research and she does not want anything to do with me. I would be crushed. I know that if that was the case it would be her loss. All I want to give to her is my gratitude.
But still I do not know if emotionally I want to go through that rejection again. I felt it most in my teen years ,but now that I am older I understand more. I have children of my own now--I cannot imagine not at least wanting to know if they were alright or happy. maybe iam being really selfish. part of me wants to say "I have done my part now it is your turn cynthia!" Oh well, I guess I need to just take it one step at a time and not ry to look so far ahead. It is truly exhausting!
Thank you everyone for caring.~Alicairene4