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Originally Posted by Sleeplvr
Has anyone thought that by backing away from AA adoptive placements that you are helping perpetuate discrimination? If good people sit by and do nothing then you are helping discrimination stay alive.
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Yes, but do you use a child to make a political statement?
Look, cards on the table: our decision to adopt internationally, as I said, had nothing to do with race. But one thing adopting our daughter from India has made me aware of is the racism of my inlaws. They adore my daughter, but we received a bizaare email from my MIL when we suggested they buy her a doll that was being described as "African American" (frankly the doll didn't look at all AA, it looked more like my DD). She babbled something irrational about not raising her in the "black" culture and that if she brought a black doll to school kids would make fun of her (HUH?). Anyway, it brought forth the unfortunate fact that not everyone in our extended family is as open minded as us or my parents.
So, under those circumstances, what is a family to do? If it were up to me alone, I'd ignore my crazy inlaws and cut off contact with them if they behaved badly if we adopted an AA child. But they're not my parents. As it is, we see them only a few times a year.
This is not some kind of of cop-out on my part. Until recently, I assumed that my inlaws would love any child. I am not so sure now. I would have no problem adopting interracially, no matter what the race. But I have to think about what's best for the child. I don't know how my inlaws would react if we chose to adopt an AA infant. I don't know how far my DH is willing to go to protect his children.
I hate that I would have to even consider race. It goes against all my instincts. I don't like to think of race mattering. It didn't matter when I chose my boyfriends or my friends or where I lived. I'm baffled by the stratification, the prioritizing of races in some people's minds. My friend who is Dominican and fair skinned would tell of people cutting off contact with her fiance once they found out she was Hispanic and not Italian--after they met her. It made no sense to me.
But I have to look at the reality of the world we live in. I would have to make the decision on the facts as they are, not as I wish they were.