[LisaCA]

there are women who do decide that adoption is their best option. dd's bmom was not an adult, and decided to go forward with an adoption plan. She was counseled at her school about her options, and when she told her parents half way thru her pregnancy, they told her how they felt. I think there were many factors that played into her decision:

1. awesomely smart. she was doing very well academically when she "met a guy". her grades continued to be quite high throughout her pregnancy.She clearly has plans.

2. her parents, while providing their opinion, let her go forward and do what she felt best. her parents are middle class, her dad is a social worker, and they were clear before their daughter's pregnancy that it was a difficult road for girls who raise their children.

3. She had a family member who became pregnant at a young age, so she was well aware what it entailed to raise a child.

4.she had friends who supported her decision. While she also had friends who didn't understand, she had a strong core of friends who did and who visited her in the hospital. (I have a ton of pictures of all the girlfriends hanging out with her and holding dd ).

5. The trend for young black women is to consider adoption as a viable alternative. The number of teenage pregnancies is down in the black community, many women are aware of their options, etc.

6. She is from a large city, and so there were black social workers in her community. when she went into her agency, they were welcoming to her. While they didn't provide all the support that I would have preferred (large agency, rather old fashioned about the open adoption thing), my facilitator was able to step in and have a good talk with her about her options, making sure she was aware that there were ways for her to raise her child, what adoption would mean for her, both now and down the road, that she could change her mind at any time til signing, that she could delay signing if she wanted, etc.

7. She wanted a black family and was able to find one, even if we were formally matched a day before labor . we picked us for a number of reasons, including the fact that we are tempermentally similar and actually our families look a lot alike (I look like her mom, and her mom looks like my aunt), and I'm a veggie and she was one. I believe my career helped a lot as well. I don't know what they would have done if they couldn't find a black family for dd - but it was the major requirement. and there were no families in the chicago area working with the agency for adoption so they contacted our facilitator who was known for having aa families.

and yes, there were so many children presented to us that we had to say no to several possible placements. we paid the full amount, so any agency would be thrilled to have us walk in the door. Since dd's placement with us we've shared our story with a number of AA and AA/CA parents who are now considering adoption and viewing it in a new light. And it takes very little to do this outreach. imagine what could happen if agencies and sws actually made the effort...