I wish I had some great insights or quick fix it cure to offer you, but I don't. I can only offer my ear to listen to you if you'd like to vent or talk to someone. I placed my two daughters that are 2 and about 4 mos old so I've been where you are to some extent and I can understand that it's hard and you want to be able to let go, move on and have this hard part of your life/emotional process over with, but it doesn't get over with until you really allow yourself to grieve.
I would like to tell you there's hope, I do believe there is hope that things will get easier to cope with for you as time passes, but I can't guarantee you that hope because you have to find that hope within yourself. You can also gain that hope, support and encouragement from your family, friends, bf and others. I would say that your best bet for getting closure to some extent and moving on with your life, would be to talk about it with a counselor, perhaps, your bf, your family and don't try to make it go away right now because you want it to go away right now.
You have to allow yourself to process through your emotions and allow yourself to grieve over placing your child for adoption and not having them as part of your life anymore. If you feel like you haven't made much progress in life or that you're stuck somewhere on the road of life, I would suggest looking into counseling. Maybe you need someone like possibly a counselor to help you through this.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but unfortunately there is no easy way out and no instant fix it cure to make it just go away.
An analogy I like to use when referring to this grief/emotional process you have to go through after placing your child for adoption to get some closure and be able to move on - I like to think it's like you're in the middle of a desert and there's no way out, but to go through it. You can try to go around it, over it, find a shortcut, but there's no way out except to walk through that desert to the other side where there's cool, wet green grass. There's oasises that you can stop at (i.e., family,friends,counselors etc.) to fill your canteen (heart,soul, yourself) with water (hope/positive perspective etc.) that can help you to make it to that cool, wet green grass, but there are no shortcuts through that desert.
Good Luck
Anne
