FC, I'm really glad you started this thread -- and that I found it
I have been doing much, much thinking on this topic and I'd like to try from 2 different angles.
I do subscribe to the theory that as babies we suffered a trauma, a separation, and that somewhere locked in our subconscious is this knowledge (like our "black box" similar to what is on an airplane). Now, I spoke with my bmom about this and she gave me additional insight.
Do you think it is possible that based on the circumstances at the time of the separation it could've causes that trauma to be worse than others? In my case, my bmom was made to be sooo ashamed, most of her family didn't know about me, her father died never knowing. She had such strong emotions at the time of my birth and out of fear,
never held me -- never even looked at me. So the mother that I was physiologically attached to never held/comforted me. . . . Maybe, just maybe, this contributed to my sense of "loss" or my "void."
Now, as a more rational person, since I can't ever "prove" the black box theory, I would try to justify my feelings this way. I, too, come from a WONDERFUL "normal" family, as dpen6. I was always told I was adopted, my parents read us a couple books "
Where did I come from?" and "
Why was I adopted?"
Now, that being said, THAT was the extent of our discussions. My bparents were NEVER talked about. At some age I came to the realization on my own that to be adopted one must first be given up.
OUCH! I got more and more curious asking a lot of questions. My parents were not prepared for those questions nor did they know how to deal with it. . . they never sat down with me to discuss it . . . I would get short answers "
We just know that they were too young." and
"We just don't know anything, hon, but WE love you." and "
It doesn't matter, because we love you." I think I was flat out told they were my
only parents. THEY DENIED ME THE RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT AND LEARN ABOUT MY FIRST PARENTS
. Hence, the creation of a "void." I had no information for my many questions. . . .
So, if I didn't have the "void" upon separation, a "void" sure was created by lack of knowledge.
On my Confesssions thread one of the moms posted that if only my feelings were validated, like saying "We don't know anything about your bmom, but I'd bet you're as beautiful as she is" would've probably went a long way in satisfying some of my questions / feelings. . . . It is hard to say . . . would the void have still existed? Hmmm . . . one will never know. I just know that I had wanted to find her my whole life and always knew I would someday. . . .