[kapickle]

This thread strikes a chord with me. I am adopted, as is my brother (not biologically related to me) and also my two stepchildren are adopted, one of them from Korea. Here's what I know about the "void" from each of our different perspectives.

I have always felt that I didn't truly belong anywhere. I don't feel truly connected to my adopted parents or extended family, although I do feel a deep sense of responsibility toward them and a sentimentality because they are the only family I've ever known. I am grateful for what they've given me, but also angry about what I've missed out on. I've had a great deal of difficulty in relationships of all kinds. I find it difficult to trust people. When my husband has to travel for work or even has a business dinner in town, I'm petrified that something will happen and I'll never see him again. I'm confused about what career I should be pursuing, unsure of my talents. I have low self-esteem. I have a fear that I'll suddenly be stricken with some horrible life-threatening disease because I don't know my family medical history (imagine what it's like to write "N/A" on every form asking for family medical information). Now that I have a child of my own, I feel that the black hole in which I've lived my entire life will envelope him as well unless I do something about it. So, I've begun my search for my birth family.

On the other hand, my brother never intended to search and never wanted to be found, but his birth mother contacted him several years ago. He has met her and his birth father, as well as his full and half siblings. He has always felt very comfortable in our family, although he had a great deal of trouble in school and is now an alcoholic. His self-esteem is lower than mine and this is manifested in different ways. Meeting his birth family actually made him feel worse about himself because they have so many problems of their own that he now feels he inherited.

My stepdaughter also has no desire to search for her birth family. She is completely satisfied with her adopted family and immerses herself in their culture, despite the fact that it is not entirely hers.

My stepson from Korea, on the other hand, is another story. He is struggling to find his own identity. He is a lost soul. He has no hope of ever locating his birth family and has only a very tenuous link to his adopted family. Growing up he never associated with anyone who looked like him. His adopted family tried too hard to treat him like one of them and it backfired. His father and I are now trying to help him find a way to live a more authentic life.

I don't know how much all this helps to answer the original question. I think that probably all adoptees have issues at some level, but maybe the issue of the "void" is somewhat dependent on how comfortable a person feels with his adopted family, how much they all have in common and whether it feels like a good fit. Unfortunately, for me the fit has not been very good and I've been wanting to find my birth family probably since I was about eleven. But I can understand that if a person feels happy with their adopted family, they would not want to open a whole can of worms by searching and might be upset by being found.

There are no easy answers.

Karen