[suzherm]

I am glad I found this thread. I think I posted elsewhere about this.

As a natural mom searching for her daughter, in touch with her ex via email (daughters father) - with spouses that are less than understanding. Been talking privately with some folks about this issue (as my spouse and my ex and his frequent these boards so I have to be careful what I post - for fear it will be misunderstood and cause more drama).

I got some good advice from a friend that I wanted to share with others.

My friend (a bdad in reunion) wrote me:

" hope you do find your daughter.... and when you do ,,,,be sure to let her know that she was born out of love......and that you have always loved her and thought about her.......for my daughter......this was a HUGE relief.....she said that those comments were the most important things she has ever heard........as for what will happen with your ex......you will both probably be very drawn to each other early in the reunion process....it happened with me......you should solve these issue's now......WHEN you reunite.........your emotions will be so completely through the roof, you will have difficulty making rational decisions.......I'm going through it now........and I'm the most level headed and rational type of guy there is....

I understand about how each of your spouses feel about the other partner........I have now found that it's important for each spouse to realize that for a successful reunion......EVERYONE needs to get along...AND refrain from saying negative things about the other parent/spouse.

My daughter now tells me that she doesn't want my wife to ever say anything bad about her b-mom......so now.....my wife has agreed to apologize to my daughter for writing some negative comments about my ex girlfriend (my daughters b-mom).....this way....my daughter can come into my home and feel comfortable.....there's a lot to work to do now for you...set this up now the best that you can......seriously work out the issues with your ex......"

Hope my friends thoughts help others as they helped me.