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If it is at all possible to put your marriage back together again, certainly try. (It sounds like that is something you already know and have attempted.) If it is not possible, it is important that you do tell the birthparents.
As a birthmom, one of the main reasons I chose adoption for my daughter was so she would grow up with two parents. If her adoptive parents were to divorce, I would be really upset. One thing that might help when you tell the birthparents is that when you adopted your marriage was going well and that you did not try to deceive them in any way (if this is true...I am guessing that it is from your posts.) Another thing that might help the birthparents handle it better is if you can tell them your plans for custody and how both of you will remain strong influences and important role models in your children's lives.
I'm really sorry you are going through this.
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