I'll take a stab at this....
I think that "void" is something different to each of us. Some don't feel a void
at all.....some
do -- and what that "void"
means, is unique to each situation.
For me, that "void" is something akin to feeling as tho I am part of the Witness Protection Program without ever giving consent, or even knowing what I witnessed in the first place -- if that makes any sense.
Imagine looking in the mirror and really studying yourself. Right in front of you is a person who was
born [b]someone else[/B]. Somewhere, in the depths of the bureaucratic "system", there is a file, filled with all your information. It tells you
who you once were....who your
parents were.....
where you came from.....and the
circumstances surrounding the change in your identity......but you can't see it. You can't know what is inside that file. As an adoptee, you are mandated to live out your life as someone other than who you were, the moment you emerged into the world. It's the most odd feeling in the world to imagine that you lived inside someone for nine months and you don't even know who that was.....you have no idea how you even "got here". The only thing you know is that you were placed in the hands of another family -- the government erases your entire existance. They fill out new paperwork....paperwork that shows you were born to someone else.....you get a whole new identity......and the original stuff just disappears. The person born at 5:18 PM on October the 4th just goes away, with the stroke of a keyboard. Even the clerk who types up the paperwork knows who you once were.....but you can't know, yourself. You are just supposed to accept your new life and live it, as if none of it matters.
I am a woman of faith and I believe that we are all born for a purpose....and I believe I was born to be where I am today -- who I am today.......but, there is always that knowledge, in the back of your mind, that there was a life
before -- and the
knowledge of that life is withheld from you by strangers.
That's what that "void" means to me.
Out there, somewhere, is a man and a woman, who created me.....by law, I am not allowed to know their names. I'm not allowed to know who my grandparents are....who my siblings are.......I'm not allowed to know how I came to be.....or how I ended up being admitted into this "Witness Protection Program" in the first place. I'm not
allowed, by law, to even know what
information to put on my
own health forms. I can't warn my own doctors about what they should be checking me for, because the person who might have these potential health issues was erased 40 years ago. When they created the new "slate", it was a blank one.....and those blanks haunt us.
It's amazingly convaluded when you think about it......we aren't even allowed to know what might kill us. Even the people in the real "Witness Protection Program" know what they are on the look out for. They know what "smoking gun" lies around the corner. We don't.
Anyway.....that's my stab at explaining the void.
Hope that helps.
Hugs,
Sally