God Bless both of you !!!!
there is an organization that can help both of you on how/when/why to tell your children etc..
it was started by a gal who I met about 3 years ago at a conference. Since that time they have merged to be called "THRIVE' but perhaps the boards and articles they have there may give you and other mothers some insight.
http://www.stigmatized.org
Yvonne
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Adoptee
Bio-Sister of Adoptee "Joanne1968" =reunited Nov 2004
Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue except in mere appearance.
~St. Augustine