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Shycar,
So sorry for the pain you are experiencing. LAJCRC is right--the gift of attachment you have given this child is priceless. Thanks to you, he will be able to have loving relationships. Without that, what is life for?
Also, not to complicate your emotional situation, but the fact that they are working toward reunification is by no means a guarantee that that is what will happen. Changing who you are in a fundamental way--which is what birth parents have to do to get their kids back--is very, very difficult. Think of all the broken New Year's resolutions, all the diets gone awry, all the smokers who have tried again and again to stop smoking. And this is with otherwise healthy people! Most, if not all, of the birth parents in the system have experienced terrible suffering in their lives and are broken inside in some significant way. At least in our state, it is the rare birth parent who reunifies with their child.
I of course don't know the specifics of your situation--maybe this father has gotten his life together, or at least together enough "for government work" as the expression goes. And living with the possibility, however remote, that your child will be leaving, is so difficult. True fostering is so, so hard, so sacrificial. I really admire you for doing this. It is more than we were capable of--no one thought our kids were going home, and we had TPR this month. I respect and honor your tremendous sacrifice for this child and the children before him. God bless you for your true commitment to children, which is so much deeper than the commitment of those who say, "Oh, I could never foster, I'd get too attached." People say this as if it means they are made of more sensitive material than foster parents--so not true. We who are not capable of doing the pure fostering, where the children are returned to their birth families, are not more sensitive. We are less stout-hearted. I will say a prayer for you and your little guy.
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