I agree
Hi Sneezy,
I too have a son (still in the process of adopting, but he's lived with us for 4 years, lived w/ bmom til he was 2) Who was conceived by a rape. He does have contact with his bmom (rare visits, phone calls etc.) He is six now and knows his bmom, but has yet to ask questions about bdad. I have the same fears and concerns as you. I agree with the edited and unedited letter idea. I will not tell my son the truth until he is at least 16. Until then, if questions arise as to his bdad's identity I will tell him we don't know who he was (which we don't).
Count your Blessings--- Just recently I've had to limit contact with his bmom because she tends to say inappropriate things. Lately she has been harping to me(on the phone) that our son "needs to know the truth" about everything, ie: why he was taken away(drinking, drugs), who his father is, etc. and has even told me that she will tell him these things. And knowing her as I do, I can picture her telling a six year old that she was raped and every last detail. She has no concept of reality!! So to protect him, from now on, contact will be rare!
I have to do what's best and appropriate for my son through each stage of his life. I strive never to lie to him, but I also know there are appropriate maturity levels for certain parts of the truth. He's just now starting to realize boys and girls are different, the birds and the bees are still a long way off.
I hope this helped, Just always remember you are going to know your daughter better than anyone else, you will know when she's ready and how much truth she can handle when the time comes.
Good luck!
Dena
_______________
Hopeful to have adoption finalized in 2005!!
|