|
Bonding question
My husband and I recently traveled to Taiwan to bring our new son home. He is 6 y.o. and is absolutely darling - when he's well-rested. When he's tired, he can be pretty mischievous and it wears on my nerves. From day 2, he's been testing us and his boundaries and throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way (which is quite often if he's tired!). I'm having a hard time feeling "the connection" with him as I do with my 4 homegrown kids. I know it'll come in time, though.
We've had our son only 17 days but he's made tremendous progress in learning the rules of the house and in learning English. When we were in Taiwan, we found out that in the almost-2 years he was with a foster family, he never attached to them. I asked how this could be and was told that he was difficult to place because his b-mom has HIV. It left me scratching my head how that could answer the question, but I'm thinking maybe they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find someone who would take him, I don't know.
My question is - is it possible for a foster family to treat him in a way that he wouldn't bond with them? I just can't wrap my brain around that one!
We've been doing bonding exercises with our new son and he seems to be showing signs of bonding. He often displays toddler-like behavior so at those times, we parent him like a toddler. We're consistent with boundaries which has helped quite a bit, I think. As a way to try to meet the needs of his inner-toddler, I'll pick him up and hold him every once in a while. At first, he was as stiff as a board. Now he molds himself in a bit and has even laid his head down on my shoulder a couple of days ago! In the past few days, he's also met my gaze and actually looked into my eyes for a few seconds - and he wasn't angry or wanting something, either! I'm taking these as good signs. :-) Oh, and one night, he was playing with magnets on the fridge while I was making supper. Out of the clear blue, he said, "No I love you." I don't know if he was starting to feel attached and it scared him or what.
ok, enough babbling. :-)
Marci
PS.. Hi Linny!
|