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Wow!!!
It's wierd how things just happen to be falling into place.
I just got a call from our bmom today and found out she is moving TOMMORROW out of state.
I haven't given her my letter yet...because we weren't going to have any contact till after our adoption. I was so afraid at how she would take it...and wether she wouldn't trust us anymore....and be angry with us. Well, now we don't have to worry about it....she made that decision herself..to move...which means we will have the semi-open adoption...with letters and pictures..that we had hoped for....and not be worried about being overloaded with face to face visists and confusion for our little girl.
Actually I haven't talked to the bmom directly about the move...she left a message on my phone asking me to call her...when i did..she wasn't there but i talked to the great grandma...about the move and her concerns about the bmom's temper and fears about her knowing to much about where we live...etc.
So given the extra info i found out today i will look into getting a 1-800# or P.O. box for her to contacts us in the future.
Thank you so much for all your help...and comments...it was nice to be able to really figure out what was best for my daughter before her adoption.
When we do talk to the bmom again today or tomorrow...we may arrange one last visit before she leaves...to give her some more pictures...and let her have more closure....if she needs it...it might help our little girl to hear her say goodbye.....since the "goodbye visit" was more of a "well I'll see you again soon"..kinda thing. But I'm not sure....
If she doesn't ask..we won't offer....because our little girl hasn't talked about her at all since the last visit..and I know it would bring up more confusion...at least initially.
What would you do? Would you offer one last visit...or would you say no...since we weren't really given any notice....I'm not sure what time she is leaving tomorrow...and we already had plans for tonight(they can be changed). I'm kinda on the fence here about the idea of a visit.....tonight...and i don't want to do it tomorrow because my husband will be at work...and i want his support.
If anything it would just be more closure for her bmom...it will probably set our little girl back again(?are we willing to make that sacrifice?...incase this is the last visit she will ever have with her bmom before she turns old enough to search her out). i know she probably won't give her any baby pictures...or stuff like that...because we have asked several times and still have not received them.
My first instinct (thinking only of the bmom)was to let her have one last visit...but my mind and heart is saying...No...she already had her goodbye visit...there is no need to keep putting my little girl through this emotional turmoil and confusion. Her bmom knew there would be no more visits until after her adoption was final and that as soon as it was finalized I would call her and we would go from their discussing visits/calls/letters/or pictures. Again...it was her choice to make the move now....and to give us such little notice...we don't owe her anything. Yes, we will always have respect for her...but...that does not mean letting her set the terms for our child.
Why am I making such a big deal of this? Why am I happy she is moving? Why am I sad and dissapointed she is moving? URGGG so many emotions...so many confusing things for me to figure out...and my poor little girl in the middle of it all...with no choice.
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