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I think my earlier post was just more of an explanation as to why some adopted children seek out their birth parents.
I can tell from the emotions expressed in some of the responses that there are a few deeply hurt adoptive parents out there.
I certainly don't blame them for feeling so upset.
Being a parent is normally a tough job.
When a person becomes a parent of a child that is not theirs biologically, it is an even more difficult job.
When a child tells a bio-parent the typical " I hate you..etc comments..", it might be a little disappointing, but there is no real fear, no insecurities, no worries.
When an adopted child tells their a-parents something similar ( I hate you, Your not my REAL mom/Dad etc...) the sting is intense. There is real fear.
I feel that being an adoptive parent is so much harder (I am both).
I think that MOST adoptive parents are amazing people, that have done an emotionally difficult task, with no security, and continued fear of losing their child.
My earlier post was only to offer an explantion as to WHY, not to say that it is the way it should be, or to say that it is always that way it will turn out.
I was a bit surprised by one of the comments that I read. It was mentioned that the only thing birth parents have in common with the birth child is that their "toes look alike". Are you kidding yourself?
My daughter and I are practically identical people. In fact, some texts site the biological influence alone at 80% of a persons character.
In my case it looks more like 90%+. The list of similarities is far too long to post here. Even the most subtle emotional peculiarities are the same between us.
That comment was nearly offensive to someone that has actually done some serious research on this subject.
My earlier post did make reference to the biological bond. It is very strong, NOT just because of a few physical features that are the same, but because there are so many emotional, intellectual, personal, behavioral features that biological children share with the biological parent.
It's about feeling awkward in the same types of situations.
It's about understanding the same type of weird humor.
And the list goes on.
Anyway, I fully sympathize with the adoptive parents that have had their child leave for the b-parents.
It has happened to me, I know how they feel as well as anyone.
I am now experiencing the other side of this event.
I am only trying to provide my insight to help with understanding of the adoptee / birth parent relationship.
As alway, I never intend to offend anyone. Sometimes, observations are painful.
Please feel free to disagree, but do it kindly!
-Steve
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