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My foster/adopt daughter had her goodbye vist on tuesday. I told her the night before who we were going to see the next day and she was happy. (she will be 3 next month). The morning of the visit was a lot harder for her. She was having a lot of mixed feeling and she was having a hard time emotionally. She kept crying over the littlest things..and saying she wanted to see her Momma M. When i told her...we were going soon....she would get more upset and want to see her NOw..not later. Then she talked about going to her house again (like she used to for unsupervised visits) I told her...she couldn't go to her house anymore..and that we were going to the DHS building to see her in a few minutes...she continued to get upset and argue that she wanted to go to her house. She was confused and sad and angry....I felt so bad for her...as i tried to explain to her...what was happening..and how long she would see her and that kind of stuff. At one point she said..."I want my mommy" which usually means I want you to hold me mommy. When I told her that I was driving and couldn't hold her right then..she said..."I don't want you mommy ....I want my M...I want her house....I don't want you."
It was so hard to hear....I know she is going through so many conflicting feelings and confusion and grief... I tried not to take it personally...just told her how much I loved her..and how much M loves her too..and then continued to explain that she was visiting her..and then I would come and pick her up and bring her home...because we love her so much...and she will be in our home forever.
Then, when we finally got to the DHS building...she talked up a storm..and was happy while we were waiting. When M showed up....our little girl didn't say a thing but she was smiling. I had her give her the present we made for her (a keepsake picture box W/ pictures inside and a heart with her hand print in it.) After about 10 minutes....I took off to let them have some private time together.
When i came back...our dd was crying and tired..and emotionally drained. We stayed and talked for a minute while we tried to help her put on her shoes and get ready to go. At first she clang to M's leg....then, after putting her shoes on...I held her and told her it's ok to be sad. She was crying now, but not for M. She was crying because she wanted her "handprint" she had made. I tried to tell her why we made it..and that she could make another one...to keep at our house. She cried all the way out to the car...for the handprint...then once she was in the car...she cried about several other things all the way until we got home.
Once home...she happily played with her babies...and only had 2 other crying...wanting to be held...fits later that day. It's now 2 days later..and she is completely fine..hasn't even mentioned her and has been a happy little girl.
I think every child is going to react differently....especailly since some kids are used to seeing their bparents and others don't really remember them. I assume it would be harder on the kids...who have not seen their families for a long time..and then all the feelings come back to them again..and they don't know what to do with them.
I hope your vist went well, let us know what happened!!!
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