[lyndayle]

We have been in this process for two years and two months now, having begun with one agency's Thailand program, and changed to Russia with another agency last spring when Thailand became a dead end. Although it's been a rough ride, and we're on our second iffy Russian referral (the first one was withdrawn when the kids' foster parents decided to adopt them rather than see them leave Mother Russia), I still believe that it is an easier road than trying to adopt domestically.

Russian birth parents will not come knocking at your door with a lawyer to take the kids away, and you don't have to risk the heartache of a foster system shunting all sorts of kids through your home who will never be available for adoption. I've heard too many soul wrenching stories about domestic adoption attempts to even think about trying it.

Russia is still one of the fastest and most flexible programs we know of, so even with all the craziness, it's a good place to be. Just make sure you're in constant contact with your agency, and question everything they tell you. Unfortunately, many agents or their Russian staff aren't completely on the up and up all the time, and you must be vigilant to make sure you're not taken advantage of. Adoptive parents in waiting let their emotions rule too many of their decisions, and sometimes live to regret it. We just had our agency try a pressure move on us that we are in the process of deflecting.

We've found that if you let yourself fall in love with a photo, you have a harder time being rational when something gets sticky. We have to try to remain objective, and be willing to refuse a referral if it just doesn't seem right for us, or if we don't have enough information to make a reasonable decision. It's tough, I know. You learn to ride the roller coaster with your eyes wide open.