[angelesther]

Well, of course, the adoptee put the wall up. Knowing that your blood isn't in your home can be alienating and can make one distant and longing for answers and a blood connection.[/quote]
Sometimes the wall can be started by the afamily, and once felt by the adoptee is hammered into place. even the slightest hint of rejection can cause the adoptee to build it higher. the first sign of rejection often starts a chain of events that can rarely be stoped. rejection causes withdrawl causes rejection... and so on. one comment about not really belonging can cause a wall that can then be built higher by both sides. often that start is not even remembered but the damage is already done. because that wall is being built higher and higher by both sides it is often then seen by the adoptee as a permanat fixture that will afect all of their subsequent relationships. they transmit the wall that was built in one relationship, or relationships, on to other relationships, viewing everyone as rejecting them as they felt rejected in that relationship(s). and the cycle starts again.