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Originally Posted by AnaColombia
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I feel bad though because I'm really close with my adoptive mother and I don't want to hurt her. But I'm also angry that they kind of made the fact that we were adopted an unspoken secret after a certain point in my life. And whenever I bring up adoption with them it seems like they grimace & they're hurt.
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Gosh, I could have written your post myself! I am an adult adoptee like you and only knew about my cultural heritage since I was 17. I always knew I was adopted but not that my birthfamily was from Ireland. I have the
same feelings of discomfort around my parents pertaining to this. My mom also seems to grimace and squirm each time something remotely "Irish" comes up...a movie, a song, ugh.
I am learning about my culture on my own now as an adult, and I wish it had been celebrated throughout my childhood. In a way it seems like a rejection of an integral part of "ME". My parents philosophy was to "assimilate" me into their cultures so I'd be better adjusted or something. I know they meant well but they just cannot seem to validate me being bioligically "anything" cultural.
Ana, just wanted to let you know you are not alone. It's hard to work these things out on our own, and many people dont understand why your culture would be so important to you. I guess it just IS. I'm glad you are educating yourself and learning about Columbia. Eventually you will want to pass that on to your own children.
Lissa - I love that you are so concerned for your daughter's cultural 'integrity'! You have already done worlds for her by embracing Chinese culture. Simple things, just "enjoying" chinese cultural things, pointing things out to your daughter, encouraging her to learn, celebrating her country's holidays, not being afraid that she is a different culture than you, all those SIMPLE things can really mean so much. It is really amazing how much kids pick up on adult's comfort levels and what they support or discourage, even through body language.
I would encourage you to give what you can...Lissa, she IS who she IS. She cannot have all of China but that's not your fault or your doing. By validating her as a wonderful Chinese girl in your life I really think you will help her. Help her grieve her loss if she needs to. I think it is a wonderful, respectul gift to celebrate her culture.