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Originally Posted by AnaColombia
I have come to realize that my adoptive parents denied me as I was growing up my Colombian culture (I was adopted from Bogota, Colombia) and the fact that my biological family exsists.  |
I am a hopeful future amom to a daughter in China. I've never adopted before so I have no direct knowledge of the mother/child relationship...all I can speak of right now is what I think may be true.
I am extremely concerned about the loss of culture my child will experience. I am trying to educate myself to Chinese customs and culture...but the more I find out, the more I realize I cannot give my daughter back her culture completely. I will give her as much as possible...but ultimately whatever I give her will come through an American filter. I know from what I've read about international adoption and from being counciled it is essential I try to give her as much of her past back as possible,and I will endevour to do so, but I will always feel inadequate in that area...because I can't...it's just beyond me and her father to do that. We cannot give her back what she has lost entirely. We can put bandaids on, but the wound will never heal, and that is frustrating as he11 for a parent. Instead of focusing on what they cannot give, your parents may have focused on what they could...hoping the American culture would be enough. It's a tempting aphrodesiac. My daughter other wise would have grown up in an orphange, I can't give her back her culture, but I can give her love, security, a good opportunity in life...all important things...so it's really really easy to forget what the child has lost. Especially at the time your parents adopted internationally, when not as much was known about the subject.
Try not to be angry with your parents...know that while they may have handled giving you information on your birth and culture in a manner that was less than desirable, they probably did the best they could with the resources they had a the time. In 1985 international adoption was very young and not as much was known about it as is now. I think you have every right to go looking for as many answers as you can find. But try to remember--whether they made the right choices or not--the choices your parents made were out of love for you.