[michpadams]

We had an open adoption with our now 6 year old daughters birthparents. When she was born the visits were really pretty instrusive and very frequent. By the time my daugther was 5 we asked to cut our face to face visists to twice a year and asked that those visits be for situaitons that would be a normal introduction into our daughters life. This ended up being her birthday party and around Christmas. At that time my daughter was really going through a tough time and just begining to realize what adoption meant although she was scared (will they take me once they are ready to be parents again?..etc) so this seemed like a good compromise. Unfortunetely here birthparents did not like this arrangement and felt uncomfortable and our reply was "well we are sorry you feel that way". As a result about 12 months ago we received an e-mail stating they would no longer be in contact with us and that they will develop a relationship once my daugther is older. My daugher is growing up and is now really able to understand more about adoption and the permanence of it. She remembers her birthparents coming to see her and wants to know why they won't now. I don't know what to say. I have tried to e-mail her birthmother apologizing for all the mistakes we have made and asked that, if nothing else, perhaps she and our daughter could exchange letters....I know the e-mail was received but there was no reply. Then my daugther asked to mail her a picture. I sent it to her PO box and no reply (but it was received). My daugther is desperate to have her questions answered and know her birthparents. She is really ready now but I don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome