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Every situation is different!
With my son his birthparents did not want to name him and so we did, and when we did it turned out the middle name we chose was the birthmothers fathers name! So all were happy
With my daughter we really didn't like the first name she choose but kept the middle name. When we told her the first name we choose, she looked at her Mother and her Mother said, why didn't you pick that in the first place? That was always one of your favorite names.
With my second daughter it was a little more difficult as the name she choose while very pretty sounded very similar to our dogs name. It just wouldn't work! And the middle name was very hard to pronounce and spell. At this time this is our most closed adoption and I have just written a long letter to her explaining why we choose what we did.
As I said at the begining of this post, you will quickly see that, in adoption every situation is different! Legally adoptive parents can change names. It is often nice if all the grownups can agree when and a more open relationship exists. The reality is the adoptive parents have the final say.
Kathy
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