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Jessica,
I think you made the perfect decision. That's exactly what I would've done. In fact, I was going to suggest it, but when I got to the end of the thread, you'd already written to say that's what you'd done.
I totally understand why you are questioning your decision about the 4 year old, but I still think you did the right thing for your family. I bet you will see a difference in your little boy's schooling pretty soon after she goes.
Also, I'm willing to bet that the baby being there won't affect his schooling at all. For my children, it's always been the children close in age that cause the jealousy and insecurity. The babies are always welcomed by everyone.
I may have had different advice for you if the 5 year old was your birth child and didn't have the baggage that comes from being bounced around a bit. In fact, my 6 year old birth son has had a really hard time getting along with the 5 year old we've had (fostering) for over a year now. We have chosen to adopt him (already TPR'd, in the process of adopting now) even though they have some trouble getting along. If my 6 year old had been through the foster care system, I would probably make a very different decision. He has security on his side, where your 5 year old may not quite yet. I believe that my son's issue has more to do with being young and "posessive" than with true insecurity.
All that aside, I just wanted to let you know I think you made a wise decision. You may second guess yourself occasionally, but we all do that no matter what. You'd have second-guessed yourself if you'd kept her, too....
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