[mom2GRLC]

We have had so many wonderful and terrible days these last (almost) 3 years as we have fostered.

We've had 36 kids come in and out of our home. 2 adoptions last year and another adoption this year.

We've had false allegations...against us...and a terrible month long investigation...where our foster/adopt daughter was removed from our home. Thank goodness it was dismissed and we were able to get her back.

We are finding our 5 year old adopted son has difficulty in school and at home when we get a new child in and when a child has to leave. We thought the issue of his behavior had a lot to do with when we got boys around his age...or any age for that matter unless they were babies(he loves babies). So we decided to only take girls. We just got a new girl last week and our son hasn't had one good day at school since then and hasn't been himself at home either. He isn't listening and getting into a lot of trouble and overly emotional. He even tell us he wants her to go away.

I love taking in babies and toddlers and young kids. It just kills me that he is affected so much by it. Our little girl (3) also has a hard time with it. Everything is hers 'that's my mommy" "my room" "my socks" etc.

Like I said we just adopted them recently and our 3 year old girl we will be adopting hopefully by March. I'm wondering if having kids come and go...is really helping them feel secure or not...or does it keep it fresh in their minds that if other kids go...maybe they will have to go too. The last girl that left was 6 years old and my son completely fell apart....we only had her a month...but her really wanted her to stay.

My problem is that i get so attatched so quickly especially to the babies. We only wanted to adopt 3 kids. Now we have this little 3 month old boy that we've had since he was 9 weeks old. His case looks very interesting and it is possible he may come up for adoption at one point. My husband and i both were starting to consider the possibility of keeping him...even picking out a name we would have for him if we did adopt. i know it will be very hard to let him go.

Part of me feels like my family is complete and to take this time as our time to enjoy just our kids and every detail of their life. While the other part of me still feels this yearning to take these kids in and give them a loving home. I think even though it is hard for my kids...maybe it will help them have compassion for others...and help them understand where they came from and how they came to us, and how we became a family. How each of these children are so very special and it isn't their fault they were put in these situations. At the same time it may start to bother them that other kids got to go home to birth families while they were unable to.

How do your children deal with the coming and going of foster kids....do you think it is healthy for them?

My husband and i have been really confused and frustrated with this issue. We would like to stop...but at the same time we can't really picture ourselves not fostering. Not getting those calls in the middle of the night...for a child in need. Not being able to see the happy face on a parent who's changed their life and done everything to get their child back and finally being able to make that transition.

My other fear is how do we say no....if one of these precious children comes up for adoption? We can't adopt every child that comes up for adoption that is in our home. But what about this little baby boy...what if we have him 1-2 years and he does come up for adoption...how can we possibly say no...how can we let go and have him go to another adoptive home. It's one thing when they go home to a parent...but to leave the safety and security of the only real parent figure in their life to a stranger....I'mnot sure that i could do that....knowing there is no reason we can't keep him, and keep that boond with him.

URRG!!! This is so frustrating. We are in the military...and I'm not sure how long we will be stationed here....we've pretty much figured we would continue to foster as long as we live here....then start our new life...in our new area...withpout fostering...or at least take a break....but I just don't know.

How do you decide? Have you had to make the choice to stop fostering...how did you do it?