Thanks for the replies. I think just venting about it helped me feel better. We had M's new therapist here this morning, and I was surprised how much and what she said in front of M. Maybe I am naive. I guess I was just wanting to shield M from pain and/or confusion. I don't want her to feel "different" to the point of being uncomfortable (being different is great sometimes!).
I agree that being a foster child should not be shameful in any way, but unfortunately it does have a stigma in our society. I think a big part of my concern is that people do not label her or see her as "just" a foster child, or just feel sorry for her...and not see the many other aspects of her, like crick88 was saying.
I have to say that I know the dentist's intentions were good. He gave me one of those "you're an angel" looks and said how wonderful I was to do this. I said that M is a sweetheart and we are hoping she'll be with us permenantly. I don't think I will call, as I don't want to feel akward in the future and don't want to change dentists!
Anna - I think your card idea is great! Actually, I have been surprised how nicely some people have handled their first introduction to M. We will run into someone at school or the store that did not know we were trying to adopt, and they will say "Oh, are you babysitting?". I say with a smile, "This is M. She joined our family a few weeks ago." Most people have said "That's great. Congratulations" without any further questions. One time a neighbor apparently did not hear the "a few weeks ago" and said that she hadn't seen me pregnant (M is 4 years old!). I did have to explain a bit to her (basically saying, "I wasn't...she just joined us".
Well, since I have to vent about something every day these days...I am trying to remember why I every married DH
. He is not very understanding about how hard this is on me right now...wants to get into a debate about who has is harder (he works all day, etc.). I told him it is not a competition and I just want some support...but then I hear how he needs support, blah, blah, blah. He will literally not lift a finger to help me with household stuff the last few days, even when I ask him to do a small thing....and I have had to do a lot of cleaning as we have had someone here (SW, therapist, b-day party, etc.) every day for about 5 days straight. He is usually not like this. I think he is learning some passive aggressive behaviros from M, LOL. Anyway, I am taking good advantage of the support of some friends. And thank all of you for your support...it really helps!