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Just reviewed my last post and I meant to say the CI at CC worked her heart out for me trying to get my bmom to reply to the mail and she either sent it back or just ignored it. It was then assumed by the CI at CC that the bmom wanted no contact and then the Court ordered the case closed. The PI I hired found the names etc in 3 days time. And yes I do know my bmom did not want contact, I spoke to her. Funnily enough she didn't ask how I found her. In any case when I gave her my birthdate, she said she did not want to pursue it. But in the end she spoke to me for about 5 minutes and did identify a family trait and that some had hypertension but other than that she didn't share anything other than to tell me I was the result of "an assault".
She was kindly in her tone of voice, had a little empathy but just couldn't deal with this. Later when I sent her a short note, after the fires raged in CA, just to let her know I was not in a threatened area, the note was returned unopened. She did take the time to put my letter in a new envelope and address it back. So at least I have something that she wrote on and it is clear she does not wish contact so I will just respect her wishes. It is not the ending I had hoped and dreamed of but it is what is.
The post script to the whole journey is that while many searches result in happy reunions many do not and mine was one of those shattered dreams.
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