[artchick]

Not to be discouraging, but this is almost the exact situation that happened with us. We were matched actually at about 10 weeks -- same deal with the birthfather. However, in our state the bf can sign before the birth. We developed a close relationship with them. He wanted her to abort but stayed with her when she decided to want to place for adoption. He was never for that, though. In the end, after months of a great rel'ship with her, HE was the one who said that he would not sign. After he saw the sonogram, it totally changed his mind. They are now raising the baby together.

The match was too early for us. She was not grounded enough to really make that decision so early in the pregnancy.

Matches have worked out as early as yours - they are long and difficult, but they do happen. But some don't work out, like ours. Independent is ok, but I would really stress and pay for counseling for her and for him if they will go. If I had it to do over again, I would have made counseling a requirement. You do have some say so in how things go, even if you are the Amom. You can't force them to go, but if they refuse, then you know a little better how willing/unwilling they are to deal with the really tough emotional issues involved.

This is all my humble opinion.

I really do hope this all works out for you.

My bro & sis in law did a very successful independent adoption, so it can work. But they were all 4 in counseling.

Best wishes--
Amy