[DadDude]

All we can do is make the decisions that are right for us, and hope that others, seeing our happiness, will support us and our loved ones in this noblest of endeavors.

My wife's parents are deceased, mine are in their mid-70s, and my wife and I are in our mid-40s, so our situation is obviously different than a young couple looking to adopt an infant (or older child) and hoping for grandparent involvement. Additionally, we live at opposite ends of the country from my parents, so we rarely see each other. We do correspond by mail and telephone, and I try to visit during business trips to their area, but they only see their grandchildren (my kids) every two to three years.

I'm not sure how my parents will react to our decision to adopt a child from foster care. I have not informed them of our plans, nor do I plan on doing so until after we are matched. My parents and I have rather divergent opinions on a variety of issues (and I suspect this will probably be one of those issues), but we still manage to get along, because we respect each other's right to live their lives as they see fit.

My parents are rather set in their ways, and have strong opinions about things, so they may or may not like what we are doing. I will not ask for their blessing, nor will I ask them to fall in love with a total stranger, not at this stage of their lives, but should the opportunity for a visit arise in the future, then I will expect my parents to welcome my entire family into their home. At a minimum, I will expect my parents to treat our new son with simple respect and common courtesy. If they are not happy with our decision or dislike our son, then they can make any such negative comments to me in private.

We all have hope that our parents will approve of what we do with our lives, from our educational goals and achievements, to career choices, and our choice about having a family or living single. We hope that our parents will support our decisions, and most of us hope that they will want to participate in our lives and the lives of our children, but in the end, we cannot make them approve or participate. Explain your decision once, express your desire to have them share in your joy, and then leave it to them to decide how they will handle the situation. That's all you can do.

Best of luck!