[nugget]

Wow you guys, thanks so much for understanding!
There is not a grave for me to visit althouhg when I visited my sister back in October we did go to the accident site. That was kind of healing in a way. I think what I'm going through now is 25+ years of imagining our first meeting and dealing with the fact that the dream will for sure never happen. Don't get me wrong, I did know that the door could be slammed in my face. I just never imagined that it would be closed and locked with no key.
Talking to my sister has been helpful but I also need to be careful with that. My sister stayed with our mom so she was 6 when she died. That means she has had 31 years to deal with her death so we are on very different levels with that.
Also during our visit I got copies of all of the photos of mom that she had. I put them in my "adoption search" scrapbook. Had a very tough time when I got to the last page of the book you know. Like I will never have a new photo of her. The last page is a 5X7 head shot with "A daisy a day......." under it. This was something written in her funeral sign in book and found it comforting for some reason.
The sad mood hits me less often. It comes at night though when my hubby is at work. I feel better today after seeing I am not so alone and have support from so many people!
I miss my mom AND the dream.
Thanks you all
Wendy
Hi Volfe!!!!