[leenab]

sfbaymom,
you brought up sibling visits down the road. Just wanted to share our experience with that. Our son Raj is the only one who's ever had sibling visits. We started visits 3 months after placement. We felt like he was settled in at that point at least enough to visit with siblings.

Raj had one with his brother H and lost it emotionally and started self mutilating behaviors. Raj also started sneaking into our bedroom at night, every night for 2 months wanting to sleep with us and make sure we were there. So we waited a few months and tried another one with H, this time Raj told us he dodn't want to see him anymore. So he hasn't seen H since August.

Raj also has a similar reaction to seeing his sister A, and has asked to not see her anymore as well.

Raj adores his sister S and just saw her last week. For him the only close sibling he has is S. Raj does ask why we can't adopt S. Before moving to our new house we told him we just didn't have enough room. Well, now the case is that we do have the room. So it's something we're really thinking about. Although the state wants to place S & A together. And I know we can't handle A's behavoiral problems.

So don't be surprised if M has a strange reaction to any of her siblings. It can/does happen. The best thing to do is follow her lead as to how much contact she wants and if she can emotionally handle that level of contact.