As an adoptee, I agree with the other posters that it is wrong to lie to a child about being adopted and believe that it does have the potential to cause great emotional harm.
My amother told me that she "practiced" telling me that I was adopted before I could understand. At some point it must have sunk in because I do not remember ever being told ~ it's something I have simply always known. It's never been a big deal at all ~ to me, any of my arelatives, friends of family or friends of myself. It was normal ~ some people are born into families and some join a family by adoption. As I never knew any different, it was normal.
On the other hand, I know two situations ~ acquaintances of my aparents ~ where children were lied to and the results were disastrous. One, a girl was told that her "father" was killed in WWII. Her Mother had a framed photo of her "husband", the girl's "father" on display. The truth was, her Mother had had an affair with a married man. This was in the mid 1940's and to publicly admit the truth would have labeled the child "illegitimate" and worse, not to mention what the Mother would have been called. The girl learned the truth when she was in her late teens ~ now the early 60's, still much less "open minded" than today ~ and the girl was horrified that she had been lied to, embarressed that she was "illegitimate" and even more horrified that her Mother had been "that type of woman". Instead of rebelling or being wild herself the girl became very strict with herself to prove that she was nothing like her Mother. Her relationship with her Mother never healed.
The second situation was a young man that was adopted as an infant and never told. His aparents had a biological daughter five years after adopting him. In the early 70's when he was 15 he learned the truth. He went wild, accused his aparents of favoring their "real child" (not true), got involved with drugs and got in trouble with the law. He never recovered and remained completely alienated from his parents. He died when he was in his early 20's. It was a drug overdose and it was never clear if it was accidental or a suicide.
These are two situations I have direct knowledge of. I have read many posts on the forum by adoptees that were lied to and learned the truth by accident when they were older or learned that they had been adopted after the death of their aparents. The adoptees posted how they felt horribly betrayed by their aparents. Very sad, but certainly understandable.
I agree with BrandyHagz that for for your sister
Quote:
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"to subscribe to the assumption that she [adoptee] will never find out is a little naive…because she will find out…"
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The truth eventually will come out. Please print this thread and share with your sister.