Roxanna, what a great point about how the differences in their experiences affect what they can and can't do. I think that applies to more than chores. We had four and five year olds who didn't know how to brush their teeth or wipe properly after using the bathroom. You reminded me that we worked on personal care before we started doing chores. After personal care, came modified responsibility for their belongings and then came helping with other things around the house. Ours progressed relatively quickly, but it all can take some time...
This also applies to older children. We worked with a nine year old girl at a group home. The other set of houseparents were frustrated with her for not keeping her room clean. One afternoon while I was on duty, I sat with her and led her through the process of picking up her things. She wasn't able on her own to break it into manageable steps (first pick up clothes, then dolls, then...), so the whole thing was really overwhelming for her. It was a case of letting go of what a normal expectations of a nine year old are. She simply hadn't had any experience, so patience was needed.
Edited for a last thought: Of course there are cases where older children are capable, but chose not to do what's necessary. We had an older girl who refused... I just told her that I understood that she needed some time not doing them, so I let her "off the hook". Of course, she soon discovered that not being able to do chores meant she was unable to do some other fun things... Kind of a if you're not old enough to take responsibility for putting your clothes in the hamper then your not old enough to go outside without supervision kind of thing... With responsibilities comes priveleges... In no time, she was being helpful again without any reminding. Been know to use a modified version of this technique for my older bio daughter too...
