[michellemartin]

Jenna, it wasnt easy to tell people in the beginning. I'd get sweaty palms and panic anytime I thought someone "might" ask about the baby while I was pregnant. It was hard, but I forsed myself to tell them anyway. At the end of my pregnancy it was easier, but then when returning to work it started like that all over again. I was nervous and scared and if anyone asked "wernt you just pregnant?" I'd forse myself to tell them I placed. All except one lady. I didnt say anything except that I had a girl. I feel almost ashamed I didnt tell her I placed, almost as if by not saying anything, that I was lying. She went on to tell me about rummage sales and church sales and it made it harder to say she wasnt home with me. So I just didnt.

It took me a while to become comfortable sharing this with people. AND when starting a new place at work, I still get nervous with the first few people I tell. I'm still afraid that people will say something horrible to me. They have, I wont deny it. There have been people who said "I'm soo sorry" and looked at me like I was a miserable person. I've had people say "how could you 'give' your baby away!" But most of the time, people are just curious. The elderly are always suprised that I still see her. Open adoption to them is a foreign concept. They ask sometimes if I can take her back (cuz its open), so I try explaining that. The educator role there I guess.

Even when I do bring it up at interviews I am afraid I'll be interviewing with someone who thinks adoption is evil. They are out there, too, and they may be interviewing me. So far I've had good luck and not had that incounter.

But the more I told, the easier it became. Its still not "easy" but its not hard anymore. It was hard to put myself out there at thier mercy at first, and at times it still is.

If you dont feel comfortable sharing, there is no reason you must share it. It's not your job to educate the world on adoption. Sharing those details of your life is completely up to you.

From anther perspective, I know a guy (gay male) who tells his bedroom stories to everyone who will listen. I'm not sure if he used to be afraid to share, but now... OMG the things he's told me! (I was merely a coworker!) There are tons of same sex couples who wont share those details for (IMO) similar feeling we dont always share about being bmoms. It doesnt make them bad for not sharing, and it doesnt make them better either. Now I know that not everyone wanted to hear stories from the guy I worked with, and not everyone wanted to hear my story. Gay people make some people uncomfortable, and Bmoms make some people uncomfortable. Its a risk I take evey time I open my big mouth, just as its a risk for that guy I used to work with to open up about his life with his partner.