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I suffered the same exact loss last March and I can completely understand any animosity you may feel. Our situation was my sister and we invested money and so much time to find in the end that she had lied about so much (the father's location, knowing etc) that it was a betrayal (she asked us to adopt and she already has one child who is neglected and the whole family was behind it) After we drove 600 miles we got the call on our cell phone that she was keeping the baby and we turned around and went home traveling over 1000 miles in one day it was so hard to drive while trying to hold back the tears and anger my mother did not even call until 5 days later to see how we were.
The worst is the feeling of being disreagarded for all we did while your family tiptoes around the new mother becasue you have to be happy for the baby. The problem isn't with the mother keeping the child it is the feeling of being dismissed and used and left with nothing after having contributed and provided everything up to the birth. If you would like to pm me I am here I haven't talked about it with anyone the returning home was hard I had to cancel the baby shower explain to everyone (everyone from your bank, your job to your doctor knows because of the homestudy) which I felt humiliation that it was my sister who had done this (and yes she did do more than just decide to keep the baby she lied throughout the whole process to keep us involved when if the truth had been aknowledged we would not have spent so much money and time but that was the whole point of the lies, it was keeping us as an option). There was no one home to put away all of the baby things either and so that was a task I had to do alone. We have since had one other adoption placement not happen yet the pain is so much less when your own family is not involved so I truly empathise with your situation and plead that you do not feel ashamed of any feelings of resentment because it is natural.
I hope I do not get bombarded from those who feel I am to angry I do not have the ambition or time to write out the whole situation and why we were betrayed yet only can say all of the concern is on the mother with nothing left over for the couple whose lives were also changed forever.
Michelle
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