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thank you for your comments.
Not long after i wrote that e-mail her birthmom called and asked to talk to her. My husband(knowing how i've been feeling lately)told me to just tell her she was already asleep. I told him no...it would be alright and I let them talk for a while. I helped her hold the phone and put my ear up to it every once in a while so I could hear what was being said.
Several times during the call...she would point at me..and say this is my mommy. It made me happy...I'm not sure if her bmom thought she was talking about her...but it didn't matter to me....I knew she was pointing at me and that made up for the last couple days. I again mentioned to her that she still had her goodbye visit to re-schedule and that we would have a visit with her after the adoption was finalized.
I think she may be going through some grief but i think it is more confusion. We got her when she was 14 months and she didn't even see her bmom until she was about 2 years old. Then it was only 1 hour visits once a week...which she used to hate and would cry the whole time and throw a big fit. Then she started to get to know her a little and began to have some fun at the visits. Then, she had a few day visits that would last about 6 hours then about 4 weekend visits. Where she may have been able to get in a better bond and idea as her as her mother. We've always called her momma M. But I really don't think she considered her her mother.
So I don't think she is really going through grief. I think she has always thought of this as her home and my husband and I as her parents. I think she just got pretty confused with the whole idea that she also has another house...and that she is supposee to go back over to VISIT her other mom!!!
I feel in my heart that it would be good to keep some openness.....for our little girls sake. I just never expected little things to pop up that would affect me so much.
Another thought came to me...she probably was talking about her so much and talking about seeing her....because i had brought the gift we made for the bmom back into the house and it was on the ground by the tree. She must have seen it over and over and kept thinking about her next visit.
Thank you again for your comments...and advice...it has really helped to keep my perspective clear and look towards the future.
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