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Hi. We have 2 biological girls who have white blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen, and we are adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have already accepted our referral and hope to be going to get him within the next couple of months. I would be happy to tell you about the agency we're using if you'd like to PM me--I highly recommend them.
As for your concerns, we had similar ones, and to an extent, still have them. I spoke w/a lot of families who had adopted transracially, and who had grown kids (as it's the teenage years and up that I'm most worried about). In the end, we accepted that there are families w/biological children only who have a child or two with big "issues", and there are people w/adopted children who have "issues" with adoption (or somethign else). There are also families of all sorts--biological, blended, adopted, etc. who have pretty limited issues!
I think some of it is going to depend on how you approach the subject as the child grows, and some of it is going to be the child's personality and to that extent--just luck of the draw.
I see a pro of having him being clearly adopted that he doesn't have to decide whether or not he wants to reveal that he's adopted every time he gets to know someone. It's openly there from the get-go. On the downside, he may not always want people to know. Pros and cons to everything.
I think it's a very personal decision in the end. We decided this is what we wanted to do, and you never know for sure how something will affect a child (or an adult for that matter) so we weren't going to shy away b/c of how he "might" feel. He might not feel the way we were projecting him to feel! So we're VERY happy with our decision and our little guy, who is 5 months right now, is just the cutest little tyke. We can't wait to go get him!!
Good luck with your decision!
Pam
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