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Leslie,
My heart feels for you. I am in a similar situations. Currently I am not in contact with my birth parents. My surrogate mom who has been in my life for 6 years, just told me that a title means nothing to her, and I should not expect that by my daughter calling her grandma means she is going to call or speak with this child. She said further more, you(me) calling me mom or by my name makes no difference. After a lot of soul searching, etc, I told her I will honour her words and my daughter will no call her grandma or look at her as one. Coincidentally a dear friend who is much older than I am asked me this week if I was comfortable with my daughter being her granddaughter. I am actually okay with it because I know that this person will model well for my daughter. Sometimes we have to make hard decision for what is best for our child. The things we used to accept for ourselves changes when we have children. I will keep praying for your situation.
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