|
It is so important to be honest with children. They really can handle knowing important things about themselves. Even though your son had such bad experiences with his birthfamily, I feel he should be given the information that his birthmom is still interested in how he is doing. Does your family talk about the adoption or the birthfamily very often? Maybe sharing that you got a letter from her might be a good way to bring up a really good conversation. It may help him understand more of what happened to him.
My birthdaughter is 9 and 1/2 and I KNOW that she understands. She has had that understanding since she was about 3 years old. She was able to verbalize that she lived in my tummy and that now she lives with her mom. I am sure that the reason she understood at such a young age is because her parents and pretty much anyone she asked made a concentrated effort to explain to her and did everything they could to help her understand. Now, she is starting to grow up and will be starting to develop relationships with boys soon. She has many strong role models who she is comfortable talking to about important issues like her adoption, why she was placed and where she comes from. I am certain that this will continue when she needs/wants to talk about things like sex, pregnancy, etc. Because she knows that her parents and I have always been honest with her and willing to talk about anything (even difficult things, like her birthfather) she is willing to ask about things that she has questions about.
As far as your children's birthmother is concerned, it would be nice if you wrote a letter expressing your concerns for your children's well-being and just gave her an update. It would be something that could make a reunion (if one ever happens) between your son and his birthmother a little easier.
I hope my message wasn't too pushy. I didn't intend for it to be, but am not sure if it comes off that way when read by someone other than me. Good luck.
|