WE too adopted two boys in almost the exact same diagnosis and situation as you describe. We are now 5 years post placement and I would say that YES absolutely letter contact has been a wonderful addition to the boys life. It has NOT detracted from their feelings of belonging to our family - instead it has made them MORE secure knowing that their birthfamily is ok, that they still love them, that if we have any questions we can ask them at any time. Our boys do NOT want direct contact (meaning writing themselves or talking on the phone themselves) but they do really LOVE the fact that I do write their birthmom and that their birthfamily writes/calls us. Yes, it has brought out some strong emotions and grief in them - but how much better that they know that I respect that part of themselves and have me to support them in it.
To the mom who adopted from Guat. I would have to respectfully disagree with you. Your sons foster mother IS his mother in every way that counts to him. By saying that just because she didnt give birth to him she isnt his mother totally discounts our ADOPTIVE connection to our kids. Mothering is a VERB rather than a noun
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Our son was 3 and a half when we adopted him and he had the same foster mom from 4 months age on. Us maintaining contact with her has been a VALUABLE resource for us. Especially that first year ... knowing that she hadnt disappeared, knowing that he was still loved and adored by her, knowing that she wanted him to be happy has HELPED him to bond to our family. Instead of viewing us as "kidnappers" knowing his foster mom has releaved that emotional burden that you seem to think not-knowing her will remove.
Our kids need to know that people dont just disappear - can you imagine how terrible it is to be three and have everyone you know and love just be "gone"? Having that connection to his foster mom will help him to attach to you - yes he may grieve her but if he doesnt thats a whole lot scarier than if he does!!!
Also, the way I viewed it, is that I owe their foster mom a great debt. She loved and cared for my kids for THREE years. How can I not treat her with the same respect she treated my kids - by sending letters, pictures etc. She will always be a part of my kids - and thus a part of our family.