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rose colored glasses...
I think Jen reinforced what's been said many times which is stopping yourself from thinking "MY kids won't be like that". Instead, think "IF my child does this, will I be able to handle it and do I have the resources to help them and me?"
Our kids were 5,4,3&2 at the time and are a sibling group. Going from zero to 4 kids at once isn't something I would recommend for everyone but it's worked for us.
I think the main things I looked for during our search was what circumstances lead to the removal of the birth home and what type of issues might occur later in the years. I needed to remind myself that it's an on going process, not a set timeframe. I had to really think about the fact that "one day" my child might have a whole new set of challenges to deal with and would I be able to accept that?
I believe several of the issues we have had are common with foster care adoption in general. The food, social manners, development and some bonding/attachment issues are very common and we had/have those.
However, every child is unique and responds to their past history differently and issues they have from that are specific to them individually. My daughter has very specific challenges in response to the same background as her brothers but her brothers do not have the same challenges. So to repeat Jen's comment, it's important to be flexible and realize you will probably parent much differently than the traditional standards.
I will say that in comparison to a lot of other children, my kids have less challenges. Doesn't make those challenges less significant by any means, just different and on a smaller scale.
One other thing I wanted to mention. A lot of times I think "is this a "normal" kid thing or related to the adoption?" and I've been finding it more realistic to think "This is normal for MY child" and thus continues the flexibility and acceptance of a different kind of parenting. It may not be normal for others, but it's normal for us, and that's okay.
Crick
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