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Jen
I wouldn't push them into anything they aren't ready for. The boys have their own timeline of dealing with this and I would let it go. Pretty hard to tell them "you need to respect your bfamily" when they themselves were not respected. I know the bfamily is making the effort now, but the boys are still young and I don't think you can expect them to "forgive & forget" at this point. I would simply let them deal with it in their own time.
The thank you note is valid; simple common courtesy and good manners. But as far as the "love" and more endearing feelings you might hope for, I wouldn't expect that at all. At least not at this point.
I know you are a bit conflicted on the "line" but think you have to allow the boys to determine where that line is and support them in their decision, which I know you are!
Crick
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