To the original poster of this thread........I feel your pain......I am living proof of it. My bson found me last year, he is 24 years old. However, my husband had already known about him, we've been married 24 years, so it was definately not a surprise, however, I never told the kids because I was never made to feel comfortable discussing my bson with my husband. When my bson found me, the emotional turmoil of whether or not to open *pandora's box* was a contention for a month between us, until I finally decided I couldn't wait for his *answer* anymore. I tried to console him, reassure him, be the wonderful *supportive* wife, and in turn, I got a sour pussed, non-supportive husband at the mere thought of his name. I was crushed that my major support system was not behind me on this, when all this time, I dreamt otherwise.
Fast forward one year: Well I did tell my kids - 3 of them with my husband, and I've expressed my deep concerns to my husband about his feelings toward my bson even though he doesn't know him, that's truly unfair to me and my bson and his siblings. So I decided again. Too bad. If he comes around great, if not, I'm not bending backwards to make him feel comfortable anymore, this is MY son, the moment of reunion I've been waiting for all my life, and it's here.
Next week Saturday, my bson and I will meet again after 24 years.....my bson knows how my husband feels (cause so did my eldest for a while), and I rather him not come here where there would be tension, instead we are meeting him where all his Uncles, Aunts, Grandma and loving supportive family wait for his arrival with open arms. And I'm going to be soaking in the love, I waited for this day, and I opted not to take along hubby, not because I don't love him, but because the day that should be so special, coming full circle would be erased the moment I look at his sullen face. I can't have that spoil it.......so for now. He's accepted that, because he has no other choice. I can't change the way he feels or dictate it, but I can choose what I feel and what I do......hopefully in time, he will come to accept it to. If not, then so be it. But I'd rather have him there with me supporting me, and if not, then don't be there at all. I have many others that are going to be there for my support, and it' will truly be a blessing of sorts.
Sorry this post was so long but it hit me right there........
Good luck to you and be firm.
but loving........
