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Another possibility not mentioned is that some agencies, like the one I placed with for my first adoption, insist that the mother-to-be is asking too much by wanting a completely open adoption. They said that no one would be willing to share so much information with me or have contact so frequently, even by letter or telephone.
She said, you'll be getting pictures and letters twice a year isn't that enough? Even that much is a lot to ask for. New parents are busy. (Too busy to take pictures and address an envelope? I wondered.) You don't have to ever see the pictures if they make you uncomfortable. You could just leave them here. The adoptive parents will send them and we'll keep them here for you to pick up when you're ready. That's better than having them arrive unexpectedly in your mailbox.
They wouldn't even let me share my contact information. "It will make them uncomfortable," she insisted. How would it make them uncomfortable to know how to find me? They don't have to use the information.
I didn't know better then and I place through that agency in a semi-open adoption despite my reservations. We had one carefully supervised visit. We were at a public place and the person form the agency didn't say more than ten words the whole time but I couldn't forget that she was there, observing. I can't help but wonder if she thought my three year old daughter and I would run off with the baby. And we would have literally had to run because I don't even drive.
The second time, I knew better. I got what I wanted. Full contact information and a family who wants to stay in contact. Even an 800 number for the family that they will keep in service for the first year. And I feel better knowing that if I want to know if everything's okay, I can just call.
But I'm sure many young people in crisis pregnancies don't know enough to feel comfortable contradicting the agency. Tehy are vulnerable and often will believe anyhting if only to give themselves the illusion that everything will be okay.
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