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Our niece was excited at first but when she realized that they were here to stay AND her place was no longer 1st in our lives, she really had a hard time, despite all the preparation. Kids need some adjustment time, just like a sibling does when a new child comes into the family.
Some things we did to help her...
- involved her in the process as much as we could beforehand and always talked about it with her. For instance, when I knew of the sex and age, I took her shopping with me and let her pick out some clothes, toys etc. that I was getting for them. Also made sure to get her a little thing too.
- when my family had an adoption shower for us, our niece was very involved and several family members gave her gifts as well to celebrate her being a cousin
- she helped decorate their rooms & arrange the furniture etc.
- when the kids met her for the first time, it was at her home so she felt less threatened.
- Since the kids were younger than her, we talked a lot about how she could help teach them things like how to play, make up games etc.
- When she spent the night, we made sure she got individual time with us as well. Let her stay up past the kids' bedtime etc.
- to help foster the relationship between all the kids, we made sure they all spent time individually with her and she found out how much fun it was to have them around. And they fell in love with their big cousin as well.
- about a month before the kids came, we gradually spent less time with her so it wasn't an abrupt ending from one day to the next. Hated to do this, but it did help her adjust better after the kids came and we couldn't spend as much time with her. We did however call her daily and send little notes in the mail.
Basically our main thing was to keep reminding her how important she is to us and how much we love her. Talked a lot about the fact that we have more than enough love to go around and just because you love someone new, doesn't mean you stop loving others.
Just keep talking to them and the good thing is they do have a lot of time to adjust to it.
Crick
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